I dreamt about you last night.
Someone else was with you, even held you close...and as always, I kept mum and tamped all feelings down. It wouldn't bode well to be obvious about how it upset me so. I reminded myself that no matter who it was beside you, no matter how much those 'other people' looked me in the eyes, all smug and confident...ignoring them and looking right back at you instead, I know deep down that I OWN you.
Yep.
I own you just as much as you own me.
*steps off of the stage*
Okay. That was a tad bit stalkerish wasn't it?
The dream was real, yes. The moron beside you was all too real. I would never pull you back though. It's all yours to decide to stay or go. I don't own you, just as much as you don't own me.
Just like it's always been.
Your time and mine are as intertwined as it can get. It's almost confusing, actually. The amount of time we spend together lately? I'm surprised we haven't grown tired of each other as of yet considering how similar we are about familiar faces.
Oh. The part where they held you close...not so true. Tried crowding you, maybe, but didn't really touch you. Apparently, even in that particular dream world, you're pretty much still you. Which is awesome, by the way.
Of course, the immature part of me was still all too present even in the dream.
Let's just say I got even when you stepped out of the room.
- (no subject)
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spacemonkey1013- November 16th, 0:28
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- July 10th, 11:20
Maldito el momento en que te hice mía
Si dices adiós y te amo todavía!
Maldita las ganas de volver a verte
Si ya te he perdido.
Maldita suerte de quererte aunque se caiga el mundo
Vivir para ti
Morir cada segundo.
Maldita la hora en que nos prometimos alcanzar el cielo!
Y el cielo se desplomó...
Que tu eras tanto y eras todo, el infinito para mi
Me vuelves loco amor
Ay que será de mi!
Si Volo sumo justicia quod pugna pro iustum , mos ego relictus quis? Mos vos indulgeo mihi pro decessio vos secundum?
In vicis...
Novus mihi, novus vos.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- July 2nd, 16:54
accomplished
Therapy
I told my therapist one time about you
Said you couldn't even possibly be true
I told my friends 'bout what we shared
Said you couldn't even possibly have cared
So I raced back home to try and find
But made a wrong turn, ended up in a wind
Then I tossed my car into park to try and give chase
Was too late, too late, someone else was in place
So here I try and write things about you
I realize they were right, they were right.
Nothing was true.
People love to give their two cents' worth. I admit, even I fall prey to that habit. It takes a lot of inner strength to shut up and listen. Which goes to show why I don't have it. *snicker* Moving on! So why DO people love to give everyone else a piece of their mind, hmm? Everyone wants to be heard I s'pose. Their thoughts, opinions, their beliefs... I've come across people who are/were lucky/unlucky enough to have soooooo many people who 'care' about them they just can't help but let themselves be heard. I am grateful that those who know me well enough leave me to my own devices until such appropriate time wherein I am either feeling more reckless than usual or just plain whacko.
Dude, you left me hanging. Seriously. Are things going to get back to the way they were before? I don't think so. Not because I don't want to but it's going to take some time. And you know me and time.
I don't think I'll remember you for long.
Look on the bright side, though. We'll be okay enough. After all, we've certainly practiced the fine art of civility, haven't we?
- What Would You Win an Oscar For?
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- spacemonkey1013
- March 11th, 14:37
You Would Win Best Documentary Feature 
You have a variety of interests, and you delve into them quite deeply.
People are impressed by the sheer quantity of stuff you know, and you're learning more every day.
However, you're not just informed. You also are very informative. You share what you know in an engaging and interesting way.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- February 12th, 23:38
awake
This is probably the umpteenth time I've seen and heard this video but it still amazes me even now. One of my favorite pieces is Pachelbel's Canon in D and for this to actually be played in rock? AWESOME!!!
Almost a year since I first saw it and I haven't deleted it from my playlist yet. A first for me since I often change, create and delete playlists almost as often as I eat.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- December 29th, 2008
Sometimes, being beside her overwhelms him. Sometimes, he leaves that space beside her and sits by the window, alternating glances between perceived freedom and perceived license to be happy. How he wishes both could go hand in hand.Few instances, she sits up and asks him if he plans on sleeping any time soon.He chances a smile, shrugs and says, "Daylight's almost here."But sunrise never fully happens.Somewhere, he's still waiting for daybreak.
I cannot believe that I've been thinking about her again recently. I can only shrug in defense and honestly say I thought I was done when I said so. Call me arrogant but I am often successful in cutting off people from my life. It takes practice but one eventually gets the hang of it. Especially if you've been at it from early on.
So anyway, there I was when her name was brought up. Ahhh memories. It didn't evoke anything rollercoaster-ly or anything life-changing really. Pfft. It just took me by surprise when I found myself sparing her more than just a neuron and a synapse's worth of effort. Oh well...and here I am wasting even more synapses firing!
Moving on...
I was perusing old journals/scratch notebooks (I was lazy in taking notes back in college. Ergo, the "treasury" of doodles, scribbles, ramblings and whatnots stemming from unused notebooks :) along with "chat" notes used to pass the class time) when I came across the lines I penned above. Another bunch of lines from a story I never got to complete. I have this bad habit of leaving things unwritten/unfinished so long as I have concluded that story inside my head. So long as my own curiosity for my own thoughts are satisfied, I'm good.
Anyway, so there I was reading those old pieces when I realized that I actually did some pretty decent pieces! *snicker* That and I must have been high on dope or something for some of them were--dare I say--"heartfelt"? Ugh. I cringe when I remember.
So it's early morning right now, and in a couple of hours, my uncle from Canada is finally coming home to visit after years since we saw him last. Too bad my aunt is no longer with him. It is still a bit unsettling to remember that she is no longer--can no longer be-- with us. Damn.
You-know-who, your gift will be a tad late. Like probably near-the-end-of-January kind of late. I sort of screwed things up and am in the process of untangling something I had made, from something I ordered--now thinking of just buying the last request you made. Did that make sense at all?
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- November 8th, 2008
It's been close to two months. It's easier not thinking about any kind of loss.
However, at the same time, you fear you will forget that person completely. So you're torn between remembering more than just the memories--along with the feelings that come along with it--and forgetting everything like that packaged deal that things are. At least you've got it easy with the latter, right?
The messages she left in my Inbox have yet to be sorted. I can't even open them. I can't delete them.
I can't touch most of the stuff she gave me either. So they're all inside my closet. I don't want to talk about the future she once imagined us sharing. I left it too long, procrastinated as best as I do and now, I can't imagine going through with our plans. What's the use, right?
Like I told mum, she won't be there. I'd rather be elsewhere.
When she's brought up in a conversation, I remember. Damn remembering; I feel like one huge disappointment.
She understood me, if not understood most of the rare stuff I won't tell my mum. I lost touch with one a couple of years ago and this year, I lost one for good.
She was more willing--I think--to set me free and allow me to roam as I please (unlike some people). But if she could see me now, she'd probably take back everything she saw as good in me.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- September 5th, 2008
There's something to be said about starting someplace else, someplace new.
It's crazy, chaotic and...scary. I've gotten complacent, been too lax, took my time and now I find it hard to severe all that were supposed to be temporary. I let my guard down. No one to blame but myself.
Things are piling up faster than I anticipated, and now I think I'm getting sucked into this black hole with no chance of getting out. If only I'm not too late.* * * * *
I fear I'm about to lose someone...close to me. Sonofa--even now it's hard to say the words aloud. It seems all I can do in the meantime is count the time left.
I hate how I feel. I hate how I think I'm too late. She never even really said a thing. For two years she kept it a secret, merely throwing me hints about how she wishes I could be there with her while I could. It should have been "while she could."
Cancer dammit.
I don't handle loss very well.
I'm sorry.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- April 25th, 2008
chipper
I just realized that I'm lucky to be working with people who--if not on the same level--are at least on a higher level of intellect than I.
It prevents the lunch hours and small breaks in between from becoming a bore. And boy, are they a hoot to kid around with. One of the guys in particular smacks a mean punchline and his comebacks just gets me distracted enough to laugh along with the rest of the office.
Conversations revolve around more than just the usual watercooler-like topics and they can understand--if not even more than I do--the scientific ramblings we find ourselves debating about. Even more amusing and entertaining is that the same topics can branch out to social science, politics, psychology and something even as petty as the mindset of one our mischievous co-workers.
And the best thing? They share my love for food!
Anyway, I just realized I haven't really paid attention to this LJ thing in awhile so I'm trying to fill it up a bit with all my other ramblings.
Gotta go and try to gain more weight. I hear that box of doughtnuts calling out my name...
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- April 8th, 2008
apathetic
Today was one of those days when I "wanted to" but couldn't.
Tears threaten to come but they never prove true to their threats.
Empty words, that's what they are. They push and prod but they never really pull through.
They surprise me at times with one or two appearances. But never in droves as what other people seem to experience. The pain is there, as is the rest of the emotions that lingers when the tumult is over and the throb is all that's left behind like a dull reminder.
I wonder if I should envy other people for being able to "express" what they do.
Have you ever felt like you wanted to cry, but you couldn't?
I think I've forgotten how to.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- December 20th, 2007
I hate goodbyes.
So despite how wrong it may be, I'll be selfish once more and walk away.
I won't look back. I promise.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- December 3rd, 2007
But I'm sorry, if that means anything. I try to stay and stay still for as long as I could, you know? I am aware that I ditched you and that at the drop of a hat, I was no longer there. What we used to do together, I left you to fend for yourself. We both know that it's not even the fact that I left you alone that really stings, right?
It's the fact that I just vamoosed with barely a goodbye and repeated the same things for a couple more.
So I'm sorry.
It may not mean much now, but I WILL make it up to you. I hope you realized that I've been TRYING to do that very thing today.
We may have sat in silence but I'll take what I can.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- November 21st, 2007
lazy
It's an hour before my time to sign out.
I'm sleepy, cranky and I feel like banging my head against my desk. Why? Because I can't focus.
I'm not sure why. There just seems to be a lot on my mind and the article I'm editing is only half-interesting. Boring topic. I mean, looking into the whole antimicrobial process is good and all but hey, in my opinion, make it a human cadaver and maybe I'll be pleased. The only saving grace in this article is the fact that there are results of a test involving a number of amino acids and glucose. That's cool enough.
Don't even get me started on yesterday's article. Everytime I encountered the word trimethoprim, I kept on thinking "Trinitrophenol would have been a blast instead".
Ugh. Moving on.
I go to church a lot more nowadays. Yes, even on weekdays. Not by force, mind you. But it seems that it's the most logical thing to do since I'm nearby and all. Umm...yes. So there.
I find it a nice change after a day of being stressed over *^)$(#! questions like, "should I erase this word and replace it with this instead?" or "Dammit, do I capitalize this shit or what?" See, after staring at certain texts for too long, I suddenly begin to lose sight of what I'm supposed to be doing. My mind just scatters all over the place and then, THEN I can be found pestering Joan thru IM. That, or I'm playing "shoot 'em games" (www.a123.com/games).
Mind you, it's a very helpful site. They even have this senseless game wherein you try to get as much hits as you can by clicking on your mouse. The target? An image of a computer. I got a total of 182 hits on the CPU, the monitor, the mouse and the keyboard. Yeah! I do hope I didn't garner too much attention when it sounded like I was annihilating my own mouse as I clicked furiously away.
Oh and they have Mario too. I almost cursed aloud every time I missed a ^(*$$#@! jump. Good thing the guy who sits at the table behind me today was absent. Otherwise he would've been privy to a lot of the illegal activities on my computer. *snicker*
Okaaaaaaay... Time's almost up. I'm having my snack and then vamoosing outta here.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- September 21st, 2007
bouncy
She rolled her eyes at me again today. Told me that what I was doing was "stupid" and repetitive.
I shrugged. I couldn't help it, I said.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, that much I know for certain.
So birthday ni Nikki today! Happy birthday! :)
- Right Now
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- spacemonkey1013
- July 23rd, 2007
I think I'm right back down to that place where I seem to have forgotten to breathe.
What though the radiance was once so bright
Be now forever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendor in the grass; of glory in the flowers;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind;
-William Wordsworth
Of all the constant forwarded messages that usually bombards me, one caught my attention today because it summed up not just this day's ups and downs but that of the past couple of months.
Just because she quoted a song.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- July 12th, 2007
Okay, what do you guys think about the "suggestion" of the Vatican--mainly by Pope Benedict--to bring back the traditional latin mass service?
I think it's cool. I like latin. Of course, the problem--as stated by particular circles--is the lack of priests who actually know and practice latin.
I remember an interview done by CNN wherein it was an old lady who agreed while the younger ones of the congregation felt that they would be able to relate and connect so much better with the mass if it were in the local language.
I say, it's not so much as the language as the uh..."ties" you have in terms of the spiritual.
I'm not going to lie. I am NOT the most attentive at mass. My mind wanders even as my gaze stays put in front. But there are times when one actually just "thinks" and ponders on the service that "it"--whatever that may be--comes to you. "It" can pertain to a feeling, an emotion, or even a number of feelings that courses through. I simply believe that participating in a mass isn't straight cut despite what most priests and clergymen depict it to be. You need to have your own personal relationship with the Boss, yah know?
True, being able to participate and "connect" for one yadda, yadda, yadda...
But seriously, who's to say the priest would do the homily in latin?
Sige nga...tingnan natin kung makatagal un mga un. English na nga lang eh...
No offense to our priests, but I doubt the Vatican would actually ENFORCE latin as the medium even in homilies.* * * * *A text message was sent regarding the possible sighting of Pluto on July 27, 2007 at approximately 12:35am. It said something along the lines of our sky appearing to have two moons. That's how CLOSE Pluto is (claimed) set to appear on that date.
I checked its credibility online.
No news whatsoever pertaining to a possible sighting.
What it could be however, is what's called an occultation.
Yah know how between the object being observed and the observer, the object is hidden after a third body jams itself in between? That's an occultation. Occult means "to cover".
Difference between an occult and eclipse?
Eclipse pertains to the body upon which one object/body moves into the shadow of another. English? Let's just say it's like being overshadowed by a bigger person. That's an eclipse.
Bottomline is, Pluto's going to pass between us and another star. It is possible that WE are going to be experiencing Pluto's lovely shadow to be plastered on our surface--which, by the way would be visible from New Zealand and Southern Australia.
(report as of July 2, 2007 http://www.lesia.obspm.fr/~sicardy/31_jul_07/index.html)
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- July 11th, 2007
Well, I know that it's early
And it's too hard to think
And the broken empty bottles
Are reminder in the sink
But I thought that I should tell you
If it's not to late to say
I could put back all the pieces,
They just might not fit the same
And I know that we're gonna be fine
And the tattooed mistakes
Are gonna fade over time
As long as we live, time passes by
And we won't get it back when we die
Well, I know it's been years now,
And I don't look the same
And the hopes and dreams you had for me
You thought went down the drain.
And the room feels so empty
where my pictures used to be
And I can't say that I blame you,
But you can't blame me
I had my fair share of faults, I still do in fact. And I'm not an idiot to try and even deny it.
But just in case, good luck.
- (no subject)
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- spacemonkey1013
- June 23rd, 2007
Okay so I have my moments when I can be a real comic geek. Especially when it comes to DC comics.
Anyway, just started catching up on the whole Superman arc and I must say "hotdarnit!"
A couple of the most striking of 'em all comics in the Superman 'verse I must say is the Death (and Return) of Superman and Superman: For Tomorrow. *cough* You-know-who should know that after the latter is where the whole Superman and Wonderwoman thing comes in. Yah remember? Yep, that's the part wherein he decided to impregnate the amazonian dudette after his wife went *kapoof*. How f***** loyal.
Yah guys know what's worse than being hung up on these comics?
Being moved by 'em.
I wanted to cry after a particular scene in Superman: For Tomorrow #1. And sonofafreakin*****, I was in the middle of a bookstore too. Fortunately, I don't know how to shed a tear anymore.
Oh and did you guys know there's this whole uh study on the possible religions of the comic book heroes? Here are some of 'em:Superman - Methodist
Spiderman - Protestant
The Thing - Jewish
The Hulk - Catholic (lapsed) well ain't that funny...
Daredevil - Catholic
Captain America - Protestant
Yeah...whodathunk huh?
* * * * *
"...and I came home. As I entered the atmosphere I gradually let myself hear what was being broadcast. To see if I was needed . . . If there was something I'd missed . . . And let me tell you, it's just as chilling for someone like me as it is for you. When every signal-- in every language-- is reporting exactly the same thing. I listened and I heard it all. The panic in the voices, the anguish in the sighs, the uncertainty in the calm . . . but I couldn't hear what I needed to. And for the first time, I was really afraid. Lost, without my rhythm. I searched everywhere, believe me . . . everywhere twice. But still, it was still. No rhythm. No heartbeat. None."
- HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!!
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- spacemonkey1013
- June 17th, 2007
- bouncy
I'm not into the whole going outside my house right now and I dare not even bother to pick up the phone, or my mobile phone so...the net seems to be the only way you can tell me to f*** off.
Apparently, the computer isn't as easy a habit to drop as the rest.
So this is what I'll use to let you guys know--as well as to let your respective patriarchs know--Happy Father's Day!
Tell them I'm soooo grateful they helped bring you *snicker* into this world.
Life wouldn't have been as painful had I not met you guys.
Hahahahahaha!!! Kidding.
Early this morning was something:
Mom was nagging me to greet dad ever since I woke up and I kept on telling her I will eventually.
When we got to getting ready for breakfast, dad sat at the head of the table and I sat to his left. Mom was behind him tending to the burning ham. (My mom can be the best and worst cook all at once. It's a gift)
Me: So dad, how about that bombing eh? Gruesome, right? (while shoving a spoonful of rice and eggs into my mouth)
Dad: *shrugs*
Me: And I was thinking that maybe you could give me another allowance this--(cut off by mom's glare from behind him while wielding the spatula like a weapon)
Me: So uh, Happy Father's Day, dad!* * * * *On the brighter side of things!
Here's a funny picture I saw while looking for something to give my dad this morning.
- My life is back!
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- spacemonkey1013
- June 9th, 2007
- bouncy
I'm soooo glad that my computer is back on again.
Almost a week without it made me miserable. I couldn't think properly, I remembered my files.
I couldn't sleep well when I remembered the music installed in it.
My pictures, my word documents...it was one of the saddest days of my life.
My WAV files for goddsakes...
My computer crashed last sunday night. I knew that there was probably a loose pin or something inside since the darn thing wouldn't even boot. My mom feared that it may have been due to a virus but I think I know better had that been the case, at least the DOS or its original OS would have appeared. But nothing.
Nada.
Zilch.
But my baby's back. God I love this huge mess of metal and plastic. Now only the 20 32 battery needs to be replaced to fix the auto date and time update. I think I can handle that myself.
